The Symptom of a Bigger Issue 

Looking back I can see that the question about travelling to a far away place is a symptom of a bigger issue. The people who ask the question, "When are you going to Hawaii?" can relate to my sister's life, but apparently not to my life, which is that of a snowbird. Hence the dichotomy of a literal division/contrast between two things that are opposed or entirely different.

It all started twelve years ago when my twin sister moved from Indiana to the island of Oahu, Hawaii. She had her reasons and although I have made no secret that I want her to live much closer to me, she successfully pursued the popular tropical environment that is her goal, her dream, her life. My sister's choice is not my choice and I accept that.

Hawaii, it turns out, is apparently the same dreamy place that many, many others who have either vacationed in Hawaii, visited the islands of Hawaii for education, work, a conference or whose goal it is to someday go there. I didn't fully realize that for many, Hawaii is the pinnacle of their travel dreams.

However, it is not my goal, it is not my dream. It makes zero difference if my sister lives in Hawaii or not, I have not allocated any time, resources or energy to visit Hawaii. Fiji, Bora Bora, Bangkok, Dubai, Bali, Rio, Machu Picchu, Australia or just about anyplace else that requires more than a four hour flight are also off the list. Europe, including Italy, London, Paris and the Mediterranean are of interest, but going there in person is not likely to happen. I've already traveled to almost all of the Continental United States and to St. Lucia/the West Indies, Mexico, Costa Rica and Canada with many fond memories.

We are self-employed and it is impossible to get away for even one day without having a current or future client ask for help with a price estimate, technical or training problem or some other issue that needs addressed. If we don't work, we don't earn money and if we don't take good care of our customers, we won't have a business. To leave for an extended time away creates more problems than it's worth and we would not actually be able to get away from work and enjoy ourselves.

My sister lives in an expensive, yet very tiny place near the iconic Waikiki Beach. She doesn't have space for overnight guests and she has to balance her time off from work. When she comes home to Indiana, it burns up 10 to 14 personal days that she can use to spend time with many friends and loved ones in one trip home.

When are you going to Hawaii? Or anywhere else for that matter

When I'm asked, "When are you going to Hawaii?" it creates an instant reaction. It is a hot button and the question comes up fairly often. Typically, my response is a quick, "I'm not planning to go" or something like that.

However, that's never the end of it: Question, answer. Oh no.

What happens next is absolutely unnecessary, yet predictable. I end up on the receiving end of being pushed into giving ten reasons why I don't want or plan to go. I get badgered with follow up questions such as, "Why not?" or "Have you ever been to Hawaii?" and "Why on Earth do you not want to visit your sister in Hawaii?"

The implication is, "What is wrong with you? Who in their right mind doesn't want to go to Hawaii?" Especially with a "free" place to stay, which is not accurate and even with a "free" space to sleep, airfare, ground transportation, fuel, meals, sightseeing tours, souvenirs, fees and everything else are not free. It all adds up to thousands and thousands of dollars for a relatively short time away. However, I continually wonder, "Why can't you let it go?" Why is it important that I have to think like you?

The truth is your travel dreams are not my travel dreams and vice versa.

Now that I've realized I'm being asked the question because it is someone else's goal, I can better cope and seek to help them understand my life as a snowbird.

Snowbirds Have a Different Mindset

Snowbirds have a different mindset that you cannot have it all. Financially and in other ways, you have to prioritize and make difficult choices. I am a snowbird for ten years and counting. It took vision, sacrifices and plenty of hard work, but it was important to my husband and I. We became snowbirds and love it.

Five years ago, we achieved another huge goal: to buy our own slice of the beach. Through hard work, many more sacrifices and sheer determination, we made that happen. We own a gulf-front vacation rental that was and is the realization of MY lifelong dream. My goal, not necessarily yours. And that is OK.

I would rather save every dollar and ounce of energy that I have so that I can spend time in my happy place in Northwest Florida. I never get tired of returning to the same place and meeting new people as well as spending time with the friends we've made over the past ten years. I like the predictability and familiarity of our southern snowbird home and community.

You may like the heady options of going somewhere completely different for each trip away. Cruises, mountains, beaches, road trips and far away locales may be your thing and that's great!

My travel dreams are not your travel dreams and that is fine.

Like many snowbirds, we already are entrenched in our warm weather community. Like many snowbirds, we dreamed of investing in real property. For us, real property brings a significant return on our financial investment. I prefer not to spend resources on expensive one-off vacations. However, that's my thought process, it's not everybody's objective.

I will not try to confront or convert you or make you feel less than for choosing to spend your time, resources and energy on anything other than what you want from your life. So keep on dreaming and may you find the travel balance that works best for you. I support you and your dreams. I don't need or want them to be the same as mine. And that is perfectly OK.