The Hardest Goodbye

One Last Snowbird Season with our Beloved and Terminal Golden Retriever

Eight years ago we excitedly brought our strong, stubborn, energetic male Golden Retriever puppy, Bodie, to the beach for his very first experience as a snowbird dog. At the time we were leasing a gorgeous condo and I was nervous about our puppy chewing up the furniture and anything else he shouldn't be doing. He did great and confidently navigated life in his new home. His nickname is "Balcony Bodie" due to his love then and now watching the activity on the beach, street and sidewalk below. Heartbreakingly, this season will be Bodie's last. I'm grateful for the time to be with my boy in the sunset of his life, but it just isn't enough no matter how it plays out. I'm not ready to let go.

I recently came across photos from our time in Northwest Florida in late Autumn of this year when Bodie was so strong, stubborn, vibrant. He was seemingly so healthy, happy and playful. Nothing seemed anything but ordinary. In June Bo had a knee replacement and was finally rehabbed to the point where he could take longer walks again and traverse the access ramp to walk in the sand along the shore. In August Bodie passed his annual wellness exam. I had no idea there would be such a dramatic, insidious change around the corner.

We returned from the beach to our primary home in mid November and noticed Bodie was drinking more water than usual. Then it became a lot more thirst over the next couple of weeks to the point of excess. Not too alarmed, we recognized the weather was changing to winter and there were no other indicators of environmental factors, so we brought Bo to his lifelong vet.

Bodie's experienced team ran tests such as blood work, urinalysis and an ultrasound. His doctor wanted to rule out several diseases, of which there were many possibilities. Unfortunately, Bodie became increasingly lethargic with each passing day. He no longer sat up to eat the homecooked special diet of rice and protein that we fed him out of necessity. Instead he leaned over his bowl while lying down. Bodie was weak, listless and slept constantly. We kept him covered all the time with a large warm beach towel. When the body has fewer functions such as digestion of standard food and generating heat, it can redirect energy to survival.

Bodie was spiraling downhill very quickly and we felt so helpless. He slept endlessly and was totally withdrawn. Zero interest in food, socializing or anything else that a healthy dog enjoys. He just lay there, at times we weren't sure he was still breathing. It was scary and depressing. Bodie began vocalizing in the night and we (mistakenly) thought he was in pain. So he began an anti-inflammatory medication that also reduces pain. Nothing seemed to help our boy and we were stressing out and upset that our baby was in such bad condition. 

Finally, our doctor scheduled a specialized ultrasound that was performed by a Doctor of Radiology who also aspirated Bodie's spleen and liver. Bodie's vet said spleen cases such as his often improve if the spleen is removed. Except we learned Bodie was far too ill to qualify for any surgery. Based on the tests and ultrasound we received the devastating news that Bodie has cancer. An aggressive lymphoma of the liver and spleen that is inoperable because it had already spread. The silver lining was that Bo would be spared the trauma of surgery and recovery.

Our local team recommended taking Bodie to a specialty hospital 100+ miles away for an oncology appointment. Bodie was scheduled right away and the day of his evaluation he was so unwell he didn't pass the pre-treatment bloodwork. Bo didn't even lift his head, he just lay there under his beach towel on the floor of the exam room. His blood counts were indicating jaundice and liver issues and his new doctor had no other option than to inject him with an expensive medicine to try to get him into a state where he could receive chemotherapy. Bodie also began daily steroids. Our new doctor advised us the most ill patients have the worst survival rates. Not what I was hoping to hear. 

The first injection was enough that the following week Bodie was able to complete his first chemotherapy treatment. He began to show improvement at home with the help of the steroids, anti-nausea meds and appetite stimulants. However, other complications such as diarrhea, incontinence and high blood pressure marred our victory. After trying probiotics and fiber to no avail, Bodie began a medication to treat the diarrhea. If his bp doesn't subside, he will also be on meds for that.

We've now completed Bodie's second chemo treatment. It has not been easy, but there is a small ray of hope that we can get a few more days, weeks or months with our baby. Our goal is for Bodie to not only feel better, but to be able to travel to the beach one last time. With Bo's chemo schedule, upon arrival in our southern community we will immediately meet with his southern oncology team, which is located about 60+ miles from our beach condo. Traveling with a dog that isn't ill is challenging enough, so this is unchartered territory, but we want to try for Bodie's sake and ours.

Fear of the unknown, the financial commitment, time commitment and much more are concerning, but we aren't ready to let go and Bodie has rallied enough that we hope for some warm weather so our boy can live out his last days in the sun and with the love of his snowbird community. Bodie has many human and dog friends and we want and need to be with them. Support for Dan and I is so important as we do our best to deal with the stress of a terminally ill family member. Our message is not that there is hope Bodie will be cured or that there will be some miracle. There won't be, it isn't medically possible. Perseverance and patience is what we hope for and grace that God will grant us some good days with our boy. 

Many snowbirds like us have beloved pets that become very ill before and during the snowbird season. To those who are dealing with the illness and loss of their pets, we are so sorry. It is the hardest goodbye.