Author: midlifesnowbird

Alys Beach – Stunning Architectural Tour

Architecture Tour of Stunning Alys Beach, Florida Renowned for Iconic Architecture, New Urbanism Movement If you’ve never experienced Alys Beach on the Gulf Coast of Northwest Florida’s panhandle in-between Panama City and Destin, I highly recommend it as a must-see while in the vicinity. Renowned 

Destination: Helen Keller Home, Tuscumbia, Alabama

Ivy Green Anne Sullivan and Helen Keller Master Bedroom The famous well pump The plantation’s cottage The cottage’s main room 150 year old gardens, the brown community building and the kitchen The Kitchen and Cook’s Quarters The Kitchen Museum room Ms. Keller’s first Braille typewriter 

Impact of COVID-19 – 45 Ways to Emerge Better

Lives paused: the psychological and economical impact of the pandemic forced weddings, celebrations, travel and so much more to abruptly halt
Lives paused: the psychological and economical impact of the pandemic forced weddings, celebrations, travel and so much more to abruptly halt

The Impact of the Global COVID-19 Pandemic

45 Ideas for Snowbirds to Emerge Even Better than Before


Without a doubt, the month of March 2020 has been the most universally terrifying, anxiety-producing period of a lifetime for our entire planet since every world war that has preceded it. The ghastly global pandemic, COVID-19 informally known as Corona virus has shaken the world to it's core, bringing life as we knew it to a standstill. An unprecedented forced "pause" that has affected our lives, health, jobs, the economy and millions of families.


Traditional Heroes

For those who dutifully remain in self-isolation and quarantine, we worry not just about ourselves, but our loved ones who do not have the luxury of sheltering in place. These are the courageous, selfless souls on the front lines of the war against the macabre COVID-19 -- overcoming their fears and distancing themselves from their own families to serve the greater good. As a society, we easily recognize and honor the traditional (super) heroes who long ago committed their lives to serve as doctors, nurses and health care providers, first responders, law enforcement and the military.


Everyday Heroes

With the onset of the global COVID-19 pandemic, there are now newly recognized "everyday" heroes of this unprecedented battle. These are the grocery workers, restaurants/food service, pharmacies, scientists, utility workers, truck drivers, shipping companies, delivery services, manufacturers, suppliers, bankers, communication companies, postal employees, fuel centers, farmers, caregivers, transportation companies, retailers, veterinary professionals, personal shoppers, sanitation workers, the death care industry and the list goes on. These people in essential industries have been here the entire time, except it took a horrific global pandemic before the previously unsung workers and industries have ever received the much-deserved public acknowledgment of the work they do.


Unfathomable Loss

No matter who we are, how much we have or where we live, we are all significantly affected by the COVID-19 pandemic. We are forever changed. Hundreds of thousands of lives have been lost and yet there are thousands more to pass with the almost unbearable thought that the innocent victims spent their last days suffering without their loved ones by their side. This is why it is up to the rest of us to honor these victims, a large majority who are members of "The Greatest Generation."

Yes, we mourn the loss, not only the innocent human lives, but also the loss of life as we knew it. The abrupt shuttering of schools, social gatherings, sports and live entertainment events, weddings, conventions,  parties, celebrations, vacations/travel, graduations, business functions and funerals. Important milestones of our lives have been lost entirely and/or put on hold indefinitely. For many, we are also mourning the demise of small businesses, jobs and financial loss.


Emerging Hope

Throughout the awful reality of a deadly global pandemic that will not reach it's apex for quite some time, it has been heartwarming to witness random acts of kindness during this very difficult segment of world history. These are large and small gestures of love, hope, faith, humanity and a greater good that will triumph over such a devastating disease. Thank you to all of our traditional heroes and everyday heroes for your priceless work, day in and day out throughout your lives. Words aren't nearly enough, yet words and actions do matter.

I also salute the grandparents, parents and adults doing everything they can to strengthen their connections, retain their sanity and lighthearted sense of humor while hiding their fears and keeping a sense of normalcy for the children and young people. Neighbors looking out for each other. Educators, clergy members and mental health professionals are adapting from serving in person to a new way via modern technology. Last, but not least, may we collectively support and pray for our global leaders, as well as state and local leaders who are undergoing the most unimaginable stress as they try to navigate the worst humanitarian health crisis of more than 100 years. May we all stay strong, resilient, change for the better and ultimately emerge triumphant. God Bless.


 

45 Ideas for Snowbirds to Emerge Even Better than Before

Spring Lilacs Midlife Snowbird Blog
The gorgeous Spring lilacs in my garden bring hope during difficult times

Among my personal snowbird friends, as well as accounts I've read online, everyone has their own personal stories regarding the COVID-19 pandemic. As the daily news increasingly warned of the COVID-19 virus unrelentlessly spreading from overseas to the United States, it coincided with the end of snowbird season and the beginning of Spring Break. We returned home in early March as planned per our regular schedule, which is when the mandatory self-isolation orders were implemented in our state, plus many others.

Shortly thereafter, beaches, restaurants and pools closed, as well as festivals, recreational, entertainment, religious and social activities within thousands of communities. Non-essential retail stores, businesses and gyms closed. Groups of 500, then 250, then 10 and finally no one outside one's own household were recommended.  RV parks cancelled all social events and locked up the pools and community rooms. Short term rental properties asked tenants to leave and future guests not to arrive. Of the essential businesses that remained open, they were quickly stripped bare of food and staples. Snowbirds in their beloved southern communities were forced to ask why stay when the primary joys of one's southern climate are shuttered?

Many snowbirds who own their park model or southern home cut short their time away and returned to their northern home at the insistence of travel advisories and concerned loved ones. Yet other snowbirds continued to stay through March as planned, but then went straight home. Snowbirds who were able to do so, cancelled previously arranged flights to drive home rather than take unnecessary chances flying. International snowbirds faced the difficult decision of whether to shelter in place or try to return home before borders close and/or they no longer have the option to fly.

The common thread: take shelter, re-stock essential supplies, hunker down and keep your mind and body busy.

Future plans, not only this year, but next, involving international and domestic travel will affect snowbirds, particularly snowbirds who already scheduled and paid for their tours and accommodations. One of our close snowbird friends had long ago booked several pre-packaged international trips to Europe and the Holy Land for Summer and Autumn of 2020, as well as domestic travel. For my friend and her travel companions, this now creates a huge void of uncertainty with many decisions to be made within a relatively short time.

Carefully check contracts and know what can and can't be done to remedy your travel plans. More importantly than the financial consideration of whether to go is the safety for one's health. Ultimately, the answers will emerge, no doubt not without great anguish of an opportunity lost or worrying about what will happen by moving forward with plans.

Please remember, you know your circumstances best and should take every precaution to be overly careful during the current global health crisis. That includes your physical and mental well-being. This is not the time to be tough, it's more important to be abundantly cautious and listen to the experts.

I've always loved the mid-century portrayal of middle class life in the United States. It was an era before I was born, but sitcoms and movies have preserved the simpler times of life in the 1950's. Neighbors talked over fences; grew their own food; families ate home-cooked meals, conversing together at the dinner table and spent evenings playing board games. Young people enjoyed their free time outdoors and interacting with one another. Religious services, Sunday dinners and Sunday drives were the norm. This is the same kind of upbringing I was fortunate to have. It's also what my husband and I strive for in our personal lives long before and during the self-isolation. Ironically, the global COVID pandemic is bringing our society back to a simpler life and the core family unit.

As we all navigate the unchartered social climate of life within a rapidly changing pandemic, I've compiled some ideas to help snowbirds not only get through the crisis, but emerge even better than before.


  1. Stay calm
  2. Discuss and agree to the level of risk-reward that is acceptable to you, your spouse or partner and your household
  3. Establish Plans A, B, C and D
  4. Stay the course, don't let up
  5. Set new goals
  6. Be vigilant, diligent
  7. Establish new routines, yet maintain normalcy as much as possible
  8. Take advantage of online ordering, personal shopper and delivery services
  9. Allow yourself to grieve your personal losses
  10. Help others grieve their losses and eventually formulate new solutions
  11. Be kinder and more understanding
  12. Keep connections, stay in touch
  13. Listen to others without judgment, empathize with them
  14. Support local businesses
  15. Reinvent social plans
  16. Tackle a new project
  17. Sort, then donate unused items and/or money to charities
  18. Use humor to lighten your load
  19. Reach out to help someone else
  20. Appreciate what you have, clean and shine it up
  21. Adopt or foster a pet and/or give extra attention to your existing pet/s
  22. Participate in new ways: attend online religious services, classes, book clubs and business webinars
  23. Let go of things that don't matter
  24. Enjoy the simple things: cooking, conversation, walks, hobbies
  25. Realign your financial objectives, budget and expenditures
  26. Plant a potted plant garden or traditional garden to cultivate and nurture
  27. Exercise outdoors and within your home on a regular basis
  28. Pay it forward and other random acts of kindness
  29. Do the same things in new ways
  30. Clean, organize, repair, restore
  31. Order prints of favorite digital photos, then send them to loved ones
  32. Increase your compassion for others, forgive yourself for your own faults
  33. Document your emotions in a journal
  34. Listen to relaxing music
  35. Be informed of current news topics, yet limit exposure to the 24/7 news cycle
  36. Rearrange your furniture and accessories, make your home look and feel different, better
  37. Read books and magazines dating prior to the current pandemic
  38. Stay positive, look for the silver linings, put negativity aside
  39. Learn something new
  40. Write letters, send cards and care packages
  41. Take the opportunity to sort, purge, clean out closets and forgotten areas
  42. Volunteer
  43. Pray, meditate, take refuge in spirituality
  44. Seek professional help if needed
  45. Make future plans

 

"Where flowers bloom, so does hope."

-- Lady Bird Johnson, 36th First Lady of the United States

Southern Cuisine: Gumbo Fest

Southern Cuisine: Sandestin Gumbo Fest Northwest Florida’s Premier Winter Food Event The heart and soul of Southern culture that brings everyone together is food. Food is love. Food is tradition. Food is celebrated. Gumbo is one of the most beloved foods of the Gulf Coast. 

Snowbird Packing and Prep Four Week Timeline

Plan your travel bags so each person knows exactly how much space they are allotted for clothing, kitchen, bath, office and pet/s. Snowbird Packing and Prep Four Week Timeline Snowbird Checklists for Leaving Home Snowbirds have a dual goal prior to departure: not only packing, 

Burns Night Winter Dinner Celebration

Burns Night Dinner Celebration Midlife Snowbird
Burns Night is a historic Scottish dinner celebration that can be adapted to a cozy, romantic dinner on a dark chilly winter night

BURNS NIGHT

Romantic Scottish Dinner Celebration


I had never heard of Burns Night until reading a chapter in a European book featuring Burns Night as part of a "year of festivities for families and friends." I have to admit, my first impression of Burns Night was that it's a romantic dinner for two in front of the fireplace on a cold winter night. Burns Night is actually a historical celebration of the life of Scotland's widely revered national poet

Burns Night Clapshot
Try a traditional Scottish comfort food entree of mashed potatoes and turnips, served with whiskey gravy. The crumbled sausage emulates haggis

and lyricist, Robert Burns, whose most famous work is "Auld Lang Syne," published in 1788. The traditional Scottish Burns Night celebration centers around the poetry of Robert Burns, whiskey and a main course of haggis with mashed potatoes and turnips. My simplified American version of Burns Night features a warm, cozy ambiance, a menu honoring Scottish comfort food and a nod to the history and influence of Robert Burns. Burns Night is perfect for snowbirds with a menu of simple ingredients steeped in tradition and offers an interesting alternative to the typical date night or dinner party.


A few observations of the authentic European Burns Night celebration compared with my

Americanized version. The proper celebration is held on or near Robert Burn's birthday, January 25, but my take is go ahead and host Burns Night anytime during the winter. Setting up a small table next to the glow of a warm fireplace and having a relaxing meal for two or more people is not only romantic, but memorable and distinctive. If no fireplace is available, improvise by placing the table in a cozy corner of your living room. The point is to not sit at your regular dining room table to get a new perspective, as if dining in a quaint restaurant. Scottish plaid tartans, dim warm lighting, a white tablecloth and napkins, flowers or greenery and flickering candlelight make a charming ambiance. Creating an unusual backdrop appealing to all senses is key to emulating the feel of the Scottish Highlands. Why not create your own Burns Night in the midst of the December holidays, on New Year's Eve, an anniversary or any special occasion when darkness falls early on chilly winter nights.

Your menu should offer several courses and closely resemble the simply delicious traditional comfort food of Burns Night, of which haggis is always, always the focal point. After all, Burns' poem, "Ode to a Haggis" is traditionally read aloud to guests when the haggis is ceremoniously brought to the table by the cook, accompanied by a lone bagpiper or Scottish music, which is referred to as being "piped in."

Haggis is a Scottish delicacy composed of minced sheep organs, oatmeal, onions and seasonings stuffed in the lining of the intestine. Because Americans are typically less comfortable eating organ meats and more importantly, because haggis is impossible to buy in the United States (unless you have access to sheep lungs, which are banned from sale), my version of the Burns Night entree features a soup course, then sausage, mashed potatoes and turnips with a whiskey cream sauce, plus a berry parfait for dessert. It takes time to get accustomed to the Scottish terms and unfamiliar food combinations, so don't let it put you off. The meal truly tastes amazing!

A few facts about Burns Night -- it was first held in 1801, five years after Robert Burns passed. Classic celebrations may be elaborate, loud and festive with many guests or quite intimate and cozy. The meal starts with a prayer of Burns' poem, "Selkirk Grace." The haggis is "piped in" with pomp and circumstance, then a whiskey toast is made to the haggis -- which is why a shot of whiskey is presented on each dinner plate. Apple juice is a good alternative to serving whiskey with this meal. Burns' poetry, songs, dancing and toasts to the lassies and lads are central to the authentic celebrations, which always end with guests joining hands and singing Auld Lang Syne.

Creating your own version of Burns Night may be inspiring to learn more about Robert Burns, his poetry and Scottish culture and cuisine. I adapted my recipes from the simple, yet rich recipes on page 164 and 167 of Pippa Middleton's book, "Celebrate: A Year of Festivities for Families and Friends."


Burns Night Menu

Authentic Burns Night Menu

Scottish Winter Soup Cullen Skink Snowbird Recipe
Scotland's most famous soup is amazing with a creamy thin broth, cod or smoked haddock, leeks, sweet onion, Yukon Gold potatoes, corn

Starter: Cullen Skink Soup

Main Course*: Haggis and Clapshot, also called "Neeps and Tatties" with Whiskey Sauce

*Served with a shot of whiskey

Dessert: Cranachan (Raspberry Cream Parfait) or offer a cheese course


My Americanized Burns Night Menu

Starter: Scottish Winter Soup (Cullen Skink)

Main Course*: Sausage Crumbles, Mashed Potatoes and Turnips with Whiskey Sauce (Clapshot / Neeps and Tatties)

*Served with a shot of whiskey (or apple juice)

Dessert: Raspberry Cream Parfait (Cranachan)


 

Burns Night Dessert Berry Parfait Midlife Snowbird Recipe
A traditional Burns Night dessert, Cranachan is a refreshing Scottish berry parfait with toasted oats and whipped cream with whiskey and honey

Burns Night Starter

Scottish Winter Soup


Burns Night Dessert

Creamy Berry Parfait

 


Burns Night Main Course

Sausage with Mashed Potatoes and Turnips

and Whiskey Gravy


Mashed Potatoes and Turnips

Ingredients

2 cups Yukon Gold potatoes, unpeeled, quartered, then halved

1 1/3 cups turnips, peeled and quartered, then halved

6 T. unsalted butter

1/4 cup half and half OR fat free half and half

1 t. garlic salt

1/4 t. fresh cracked pepper

1/4 t. dried parsley or 1 T. fresh parsley or chives (garnish)

PREPARATION TIP: It may seem simpler to cook the turnips and potatoes in the same pot, then mash with an electric mixer. However, I tested the process both ways and it does make a difference in texture to follow the recipe exactly as written: boil potatoes and turnips in separate pots, then mash each separately with a fork by hand. I prefer the method as shown here.

Preparation

Peel turnips and cut into quarters, then in half.

Cut unpeeled Yukon Gold potatoes into quarters, then in half.

Bring two separate medium pots filled 2/3 with water and a pinch of salt to a boil over high heat.

Add cut turnips to one pot and potatoes to the other pot.

Reduce the heat and boil both vegetables until fork tender, approximately 20 to 25 minutes.

Drain the water from potatoes and turnips, keeping each vegetable separate from the other.

Add half and half to the potatoes.

Add butter to the turnips.

Mash the potatoes with a fork. Repeat for the turnips. The texture can retain some chunkiness and doesn't need to be pureed.

Gently combine the potatoes and turnips into one pot. Stir in seasonings and keep warm.


Sausage Crumbles

Ingredients

12 oz. package sausage (seasoned or plain)

1 shallot, minced

1 t. fennel seeds

3/4 t. garlic salt

1/4 t. fresh cracked pepper

Optional: garnish with one tablespoon toasted oatmeal (in a nod to haggis) and dried or fresh parsley

Preparation

Toast oatmeal in a small sauce pan over medium heat until golden brown. Stir frequently, remove from heat, set aside in a small dish and let cool.

Saute crumbled sausage in medium skillet until browned. Drain excess grease. Add seasonings and minced shallot, stir until combined and shallots are softened. Remove from heat and keep warm.


Whiskey Gravy

Burns Night Table Setting Midlife Snowbird blog
No fireplace? Set up a table in a cozy corner with an emphasis on tartan plaid and various textures plus flickering warm low lighting

Ingredients

2 T. whole mustard

2 T. whiskey

2 T. butter

2 T. flour

3/4 cup half and half OR fat free half and half

1/2 t. garlic salt

Preparation

Gently heat whiskey over low heat in small saucepan until alcohol evaporates.

Add butter and flour, whisking until smooth.

Add seasonings and whole grain mustard, whisking until combined.

Stir in half and half in small batches and whisk until smooth.

Reduce heat and keep warm.


Suggested Brands: Jimmy Dean® Reduced Fat Premium Sausage, Yukon Gold potatoes


Assembly/Presentation

If available, use a chef's ring to hold the shape of the potato-turnip mixture. Place chef's ring on a plate, then scoop mashed potatoes-turnips into the chef's ring and fill to the rim.

Pull chef's ring up above the edge of the mixture and scoop sausage mixture on top.

Garnish with toasted oatmeal and parsley or chives.

If not using a chef's ring, place a portion of mashed potatoes-turnips on the plate, top with sausage mixture and garnish with toasted oatmeal and parsley or chives.

Spoon whiskey gravy in a circle around the edge of the mashed potatoes-turnips.

Add a shot of whiskey to the plate.

Repeat for each serving.

Serve warm - don't forget to toast the "haggis"

 


Servings:

Two or three -- there may be extra sausage crumbles and whiskey gravy


Serving Suggestion:

--As the main course for Burns Night

--Main course for lunch or dinner


Equipment List:

--two medium pots

--one small sauce pan

--one medium skillet

--colander

--whisk

--measuring utensils

--cutting board

--knife

--fork

--spatula

--A 3" diameter chef's ring is recommended for stacking the entree, but not required


 

"My heart's in the Highlands, my heart is not here,
My heart's in the Highlands, a-chasing the deer;
Chasing the wild-deer, and following the roe,
My heart's in the Highlands, wherever I go."

--Robert Burns, Scottish Poet and Lyricist, 1759 - 1796

Cooking Class: Five Elegant Hors d’oeuvres

Chef Patrick Whetstone expertly demonstrated elegant hors d’ oeuvres for the community cooking class Thick cut candied bbq rubbed bacon topped with garlic sauteed shrimp and fresh minced chives Beautiful bite sized purple potato salad bites stuffed with mustard aioli, hard boiled egg, bacon bits 

Snowbird Hobbies 125 Ideas

Snowbird hobbies can be simple, creative and distinctly unique, such as constructing sand castles on the beach. SNOWBIRD HOBBIES 125 Ideas For Snowbirds A hobby is defined by Wikipedia as, “An activity, interest, enthusiasm, or pastime that is undertaken for pleasure or relaxation, done during 

Where Do I Belong?

Seaside Florida Porch Midlife Snowbird
Snowbirds deal with a range of coping challenges no matter where they are. [ Seaside, Florida, South Walton County]

Where Do I Belong?


Recently I was asked by a reader about coping with the challenges of living in and between two homes and communities. Specifically, regarding the bittersweet emotional process of physically letting go of one set of friends/family, residence and community to move into an entirely different place. And once there, to feel fully engaged and a sense of belonging without longing for one's other "home." To those who have not experienced life as a seasoned snowbird, it may come as a huge surprise that it isn't as easy as simply packing your bags to travel back and forth from one residence to another without a second thought. It's a series of mixed emotions that can make or break your happiness as a snowbird and make yourself ponder, "Where do I belong?"


Winter Visitors vs. Winter Residents

There's a common misconception that snowbirds are just "visitors." A common alternate term for "snowbird" is "Winter visitor." In my opinion, these terms are completely inaccurate.

Is there anyone who still feels like a "visitor" after spending more than a short time in your warm weather residence? I doubt it. Snowbirds usually consider themselves fully invested in their southern communities on many levels, so a better term is "Winter resident" or "Winter Texan, Floridian, Arizonan," etc.


House vs. Home

There's also a common misuse of the term "house" vs. "home." A "house" is a building or structure used for human habitat. A "home" is a place of emotional connection where one feels comfortable, safe and a sense of belonging.

Before anyone starts judging about "first world problems," let's cut to the point. There's a lot at stake financially, physically, emotionally. Many modern snowbirds are middle class and have worked, sacrificed and saved their entire lives to achieve this goal -- it isn't a lifestyle exclusively for the wealthy. Nor is it a lifestyle that anyone takes for granted. It's a conscious choice to be a snowbird.

It's not all that uncommon in today's society to live in two homes. Children of divorced parents need to feel "comfortable, safe and a sense of belonging" in each home, as do adults.

It makes no difference if you own or rent your home -- just ask a child. They don't own their home, but they sure know if they feel they are "home." The emotions of one's "home" are the same for everyone, regardless of age, marital status, geographical location, ownership or the size of one's bank account. If you have a lot or a little, recognizing and acknowledging the psychological issues of living in two homes can provide a huge advantage to feeling well adjusted vs. floundering.


Two Homes, Deep Emotions

Snowbirds typically live in two modest homes or one modest home and one rental home, park model, condo or some combination of all of these, anywhere from a few weeks to half of the year or more. Most of the time, all is well and although there is some psychological adjustment, surface feelings are kept in check.

However, many snowbirds don't openly share the deep emotions of living in two communities. To an outsider, it may seem like a carefree life, yet there is a wide range of emotions of living in two homes that fall into several categories. At times it might seem that this is part of some sort of midlife crisis. Based on years of experience, I've identified common psychological issues of living in two homes, personal accounts and coping strategies to bring more balance based on my own experience, as well as others. By confronting one's emotions, it can be therapeutic. As they say, "What you recognize, you energize."


Transitioning Between Homes

Issues:

--Coping with the emotional struggle of anticipating and letting go when transitioning to/from one home to the other

--Feeling unsure of where "home" actually is, for example, if someone spends half of their time in the south, but feels the north is one's "real home"

Personal Account:

There are snowbirds with a more complicated situation than others. For example, the reader who inspired my post shared that she works part time in her southern community, which is where she and her husband live most of the year. Their son also lived in the south, but moved back north two years later and it’s very hard for her being away from him. She lives in her northern home for two warm months of the year and at Christmas. Her mother visits for two weeks in February. Her husband has absolutely no problem with the transition of having two places, but despite having great friends, she struggles with, "Where do I belong?"

Strategies:

Know your triggers. Recognize that there are many emotions interacting and it could be a mix of many different issues. 

Ask yourself: "If I were at my other home right now, would I be missing my present home?" And then answer why or why not. It will likely be a good reality check. You may be forgetting many of the qualities that long ago attracted you to your choices of homes.

Apply the same principles that divorced parents of children living in two homes instill in their kids: acknowledge that the range of emotions you're feeling are normal and not bad. Tell yourself it’s OK to go to the other place, have fun while there and enjoy being at each home. Remind yourself of the different benefits to each place and that although each home is entirely different, everything will probably be OK. You're not going to do things the same way in each home and that’s fine too.

Reevaluate and examine if any changes need to be made? If you're stuck in a rut, it may be time to take steps in a new direction.

Plan a list of goals, projects and objectives for your time in each place. As an example, "While in my southern home, I want to: explore new geographical areas, try new activities and learn a new skill." And "While in my northern home, I want to reconnect with loved ones, take a community class and make some home repairs and upgrades."


Fear of Missing Out

Issues:

--Feeling disconnected, isolated, left out, empty or unsettled, regardless of having friends in both places

--Missing family and loved ones and/or fears of abandonment

anniversary bouquet
Thoughtful gestures such as a flower bouquet help bridge the distance

Personal Account:

We have a senior family member who truly wants to spend time with us in our southern home. To date, primarily due to mobility issues, she has been unable to travel that far. Of course, she is greatly disappointed to be left behind and miss out on time in a warm climate. She worries about who will help her at home with mundane tasks or anything major that might happen. Of course we feel the pressure and guilt of leaving not just her, but everyone else, even though we are away for weeks, not months at a time.

We have snowbird friends who stay months at a time. By the time we join them for the last portion of the season, at times we know we've already missed a lot.

Strategies:

Admit, you and they will miss big and small happenings and things will not be the same, but life will go on. Acceptance is the first stage of coping. 

Remind yourself and those left behind that no place is perfect and the perceptions vs. reality don't always match. As an example, even if our loved one was able to visit us, there would be a whole new set of problems, such as our vehicle that she is physically unable to climb into, plus a lack of furniture that would accommodate her mobility issues.

Help your loved ones understand that as much as you might want to, you can't just pick up and return back and forth between your homes for a host of reasons. But you will do your best to communicate regularly and help solve their problems from afar.

Make small changes to stay in contact. If you don't already use video conferencing such as Facetime, Zoom or Skype, learn how to do it and then make regular contact with loved ones.

Try sharing your emotions with your spouse, closest friends and loved ones if you haven't already. Let them know you are having feelings of abandonment, fears of missing out, feeling stuck/trapped and so forth. Chances are, they feel the same way about your absence and may need to express their feelings as well. Communication is key.

Keep up with your regular online social presence. If you typically stay in contact via social media such as Facebook or Instagram, make sure you are checking in regularly to feel connected.

Send care packages. A bouquet of flowers or thoughtful small box of cookies or treats with a letter or note at regular intervals can help you and your loved ones bridge the distance.


Feeling Down

Issues:

--Feelings of depression or being in a funk despite living in a warm weather climate. In other words thinking, "I shouldn't feel this way."

Personal Account:

I have a friend whose husband is not yet retired so she is a solo snowbird four months of the year. Her first season she was so excited to experience beach life she kept very busy. There were many, many groups of friends she hosted who came to visit and she spent time traveling around the region exploring exciting new cities, such as New Orleans. The following year, the newness wore off and she realized she was feeling depressed and didn't leave her condo for days at a time, despite being in her beloved

Holiday Isle Florida, snowbird blog, two homes
Periods of bleak winter days affect snowbirds at home or away [Holiday Isle, Florida]
new southern home. By the third season, my friend acknowledged she is ready to significantly reduce time in her southern home to pursue new international travel adventures.

Strategies:

Recognize that you may be prone to feelings of depression or feeling down, regardless of where you live. It may be due to an extended drop in the weather, a lull in activity, being away from loved ones and/or biological predispostions.

Make sure you create daily and weekly reasons to get out of bed, dressed and into your environment before you get caught in an emotional quagmire.

Plan more exercise and physical activities, such as a long daily walk. Reach out to a friend or neighbor to make social plans. Take care of your health by eating clean and nurture your intellectual side with a good book. Take up a new hobby or expand one you already have to give yourself direction and purpose. In other words, make a conscious commitment to self-care for the sake of your sanity.

Acknowledge if you took on too much for too long of a time. Realign your goals and priorities.

 


Fear of Change

Issues:

--Fear of change, such as not being able to come back to one's southern home

--Fear that one's friends and loved ones will no longer be there upon return to either place

--Fear that one's northern or southern home will not be the same due to uncontrollable reasons, such as health or financial

Personal Account:

I realized I was having mixed feelings about returning to either my southern or northern home after a series of negative events in each place.

The first year, our beloved dog became gravely ill and died within two weeks of arriving in our southern home. After Reilly passed, we felt empty and hollow without her. It was a very tough start to what I anticipated as a very happy chapter in my life. When we returned north without our dog, I felt I had nothing to look forward to -- no plans, no dog, just an empty house. And I do mean house. It took a long time and much effort to cope with the unanticipated negative emotions before it felt like home again.

Our fourth season, despite the fact that our northern home was occupied at the time, we had an undetected major flood in the lower level within days of arriving in our southern home. It caused huge stress for my husband and I while away and upon our return we had to deal with the aftermath and expense of repairing and putting our home back together.

Strategies:

Recognize that nothing is static, problems happen regardless of where you are and that life is a series of large and small changes.

Dump the baggage. Admit that just because something horrible happened in the past, it is time to let go of the blame and negative energy to redirect towards the future.

Make social plans before departing for either home. It's important to have events on your calendar so you don't feel there's nothing to look forward to upon returning home.

Have a Plan B, C and D. Don't lock yourself into only one trajectory to feel happy in either of your homes. Evaluate and make adjustments if you need to, such as spending less time in one home in favor of the other. Downsize your accommodations or time away or take a year off for health, financial or other reasons.


More Strategies

Seek good self-help books on a range of general topics related to the emotions you're experiencing. Libraries are a great place to explore the options before committing to buying anything. If it's a great book, buy it and re-read it as needed.

Find someone who can work with you one-on-one to discuss the issues. It may be a clergy member, professional counselor or a trusted friend.

Look for some sort of support group -- online or a civic or religious community group. Perhaps a group designed for people of a similar age, especially if you are retired or semi-retired.

I have not found much information specifically relating on the topic of the emotional toll for snowbirds of living in two homes. Sharing common concerns has been very therapeutic for me. Those who have never been a snowbird see a different picture from the outside looking in, but it's never as easy as it may seem.

Where do I belong? The answer is quite complex.


 

"Home is about love, relationships, community and belonging, we are all searching for home."

-- Erwin Raphael McManus, Author, Futurist, Filmmaker, and Designer

Ten Layers of Snowbird Security

Cameras are priceless for peace of mind all year round. Allow plenty of time to research, install, test and tweak before departing TEN LAYERS OF SNOWBIRD SECURITY Security is essential for snowbirds who travel hundreds of miles away from their primary home for an extensive